Tag Archives fordedication

How to have an amazing marriage

Recently I was the best man at my brother’s wedding. I had never been a best man before and this being such an amazing honor and a very important day I didn’t want to screw it up. As you know the best man gives the final toast to the bride and groom and being somewhat of a perfectionist I didn’t want to be remembered as that guy that gave a horrible speech at his brother’s wedding.

Knowing this, I like most, work more efficiently under pressure and deadline. So as you can imagine after his wedding on my way to the reception I asked my wife to drive and I started writing (talk about a deadline). What I wanted to do was really make it meaningful so I sprinkled a few jokes, told a few stories, but ended with this. The top 3 things for a successful marriage and that is what I want to share with you today.

Top 3 Things For A Successful Marriage

1.) Don’t listen to the way most people describe marriage.

I have a huge problem when people refer to marriage as a prison sentence, the ball and chain, end of your life…etc. I think marriage is one of the most amazing things, ever! Just like anything in life you get what you put into it. If you don’t put in much don’t expect much. That being said marriage is a balance. If both are not committed to making it the best thing ever then it won’t be. Mindset is crucial and for my brother and his beautiful wife I wanted to make sure they understood that. Marriage is not easy but the greatest investment you can make.

 

2.) Communication is an absolute must.

Here is a biggie. First of all how do you know that this is the right person for you? How do you know what to say or do? How do you know what your spouse is thinking or feeling? Communication, communication, communication!

{Pre-Marriage} You don’t need to live with people to know about them. You need to talk, ask questions, and know what you are looking for. If you don’t know what you want how do you when you found it.

{Marriage} Knowing your spouse is of utmost importance. If you are not speaking on a daily basis focused on each other without other distractions (i.e. kids, tv, computer, phone…) you are going to miss something. If you miss something one day it isn’t a big deal but these are all habits you are creating and 1 day turns into 2, 2 into 3… until you are 10 years later and you have no idea who your spouse is.

 

3.) Ask if this is a listening problem or a fixing problem.

[*NOTE: this one is for the guys] Here is a phenomenon that to men that will not make sense but you must accept (women you know what I am talking about). When a women has a problem, SHUT-UP and LISTEN. Don’t do anything else, if you do I guarantee you will screw it up. You see it is in our DNA as men to fix things and when your wife has a problem, you proudly polish your shining armor, get on your white horse, and ride to the rescue to save your damsel in distress.

CAUTION this exactly what you don’t want to do!

When a women is vocalizing a problem usually they are trying to vent. At that moment they don’t want your help, just your ears. Women will understand this men want to go and start fixing even before she is done explaining. Again if you try and understand this, DON’T,  just accept it. Fortunately my wife and I came up with an agreement (Seriously). When she starts telling me a problem, I ask, “Is this a listening problem or a fixing problem?”

This one question has made such a difference in the way we communicate and understand each other.

I know these steps will help your marriage as it has ours and other couples we know. Below I have a bonus.

BONUS

Say I love you in the way your spouse needs to hear it. (Refer to the The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts)

This is very important. The book is amazing and I look forward to doing a book review on it but here is the main point of the book. There are 5 love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch). Often we express our love to our spouse using our love language. If your spouses love language is different than yours she will not receive it as you intended it.

Key: Express your love using your spouses love language not your own. (It goes more in-depth in the book).

 

Let me know what you think. Has this helped in your marriage?

Do you have any advise for the brand new couple? Share your thoughts on the comments section.

 

 

Morphing to Greatness

I feel privileged to be able to share this story of another one of our boot camp members with you. I have been working with Tony for a few years and he has really made a 360 degree turn. He shared a post he wrote on his Ayumma blog that I want to share with you:

26.2 or Bust (or Maybe 13.1 sounds good!!)

Tis the season!! No, not that season, it’s the start training for the Miami Marathon and/or the Disney Marathon season. Now, if you knew me or have seen me, you know that I’m definitely not gunning for a top ten finish, but the feeling you get after finishing, truly is priceless!!

I have only completed one half in my life and that was in 2007. Since then, I have been plagued by injury and/or circumstance that have prevented me from competing. This year I have vowed to see it thru, even planning to try to do a half marathon in the fall if I get enough mileage in.

http://www.ayumma.com

Now why, you ask, would I be writing about this?? You usually write about marketing or business and I don’t see the connection. Well, my experiences the past few weeks have made me think about what it takes to be successful and I couldn’t see a better correlation than running a marathon.

http://www.ayumma.com

As we launched our first of many exciting products, we lined up some sales people in order to create some local buzz and establish a model that would work large scale. One of the salespeople would only complain that the people didn’t want to work and that if they felt that it was more work, price didn’t matter, they won’t do it. This person would get frustrated because when he called and they didn’t respond immediately, or when they didn’t respond to a follow-up call, then the product didn’t generate “sizzle”. Now, I know that in our space, there are numerous companies with enough “sizzle” that they are feeding themselves and then some. So what was the difference?? Were the people in our local market just lazier??

http://www.ayumma.com

I know that, despite our low cost basis, we were offering a generous commission and recurring compensation plan with as flexible hours as you could want for our sales people. So why was someone, with years selling into our customer base, not getting past the front door?? I also knew that my wife, if she had any training, would have closed about 20 customers in the same time frame despite talking to people when she had kids in tow. So what was going on??

http://www.ayumma.com

To complete a marathon, or half marathon, it all comes down to effort. Not just the effort during the race but the effort you put in to your preparation up to the race. Both physical and mental preparation play a big role in your ultimate success. With the marathon, you set a time objective you hope to achieve and you train to get that objective. The work isn’t the day of the race it is all of the hours you put in leading up to the race. The sacrifices you made, the injuries and setbacks you overcame. That’s what makes the ultimate success so sweet. Not the feeling you get from completing the 13.1 or 26.2 miles, it’s the hundreds of miles and all of the hours spent in the months leading up to the race that allowed you to do what you did on the day of the race.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIw4EN_TzI8&playnext=1&videos=qnsMiStdU_Q&feature=grec_index[/youtube]

If you are a small business, the race could be the day somebody buys you out, the day your kids take over the business, or even the day that it supports your family without the stress of how are you going to pay your bills. If you are a salesman, your “race” could be closing the “big” deal, or the day that you are generating enough income that you don’t need to worry about supporting your family. Either way, it requires your putting the time and the effort to get the job done. Overcoming setbacks and savoring the journey. There is no easy way to do it. Luck happens once; success is luck that happens again and again over a period of time!! In order to succeed you need to put in the effort, identify the obstacles and learn to overcome them. You need to anticipate the objections and be able to answer them quickly and intelligently. You need to work smarter, use what tools are available and see how to get to the finish line. Sometimes the steps are harder, but they are still steps.

http://www.ayumma.com

So yes, I am planning to run a half and a full marathon in the next year. Why, for the challenge. To know that once I achieve the goal it is all because of the effort I put in, the extra work that I did, the obstacles I overcame. I do it because nothing replaces the feeling that you get when you cross the finish line knowing that all the hard work I put in allowed me to accomplish something that nobody believed I could when I started out. I also do it because nothing beats crossing the finish line and the first thing your then 9 year old daughter asks you, when you are totally destroyed, calf cramping because the air bubble in your shoe had burst (flat tire anyone???), have a side stitch like you’ve never felt before because in mile 6 you had to avoid someone who stopped to take a picture, making you pull a rib muscle, and you look pale and dehydrated, when she sees you is, “Daddy, can I do it with you next year??” That’s why I do it, because the rewards for hard work far exceed the struggles to get there.

Oh yeah, my daughter, she’s too young to do the marathon, but now, as a 12 year old, competed in the AAU Nationals Track and Field competition in Chicago this summer and is considered one of the top middle school cross country runners in her district. Success comes in all types of packages.

I hope you have enjoyed and gotten something out of Tony’s realization. Leave a comment for Tony. Congratulate him.

Cheers,

AC