How to have an amazing marriage

Recently I was the best man at my brother’s wedding. I had never been a best man before and this being such an amazing honor and a very important day I didn’t want to screw it up. As you know the best man gives the final toast to the bride and groom and being somewhat of a perfectionist I didn’t want to be remembered as that guy that gave a horrible speech at his brother’s wedding.

Knowing this, I like most, work more efficiently under pressure and deadline. So as you can imagine after his wedding on my way to the reception I asked my wife to drive and I started writing (talk about a deadline). What I wanted to do was really make it meaningful so I sprinkled a few jokes, told a few stories, but ended with this. The top 3 things for a successful marriage and that is what I want to share with you today.

Top 3 Things For A Successful Marriage

1.) Don’t listen to the way most people describe marriage.

I have a huge problem when people refer to marriage as a prison sentence, the ball and chain, end of your life…etc. I think marriage is one of the most amazing things, ever! Just like anything in life you get what you put into it. If you don’t put in much don’t expect much. That being said marriage is a balance. If both are not committed to making it the best thing ever then it won’t be. Mindset is crucial and for my brother and his beautiful wife I wanted to make sure they understood that. Marriage is not easy but the greatest investment you can make.

 

2.) Communication is an absolute must.

Here is a biggie. First of all how do you know that this is the right person for you? How do you know what to say or do? How do you know what your spouse is thinking or feeling? Communication, communication, communication!

{Pre-Marriage} You don’t need to live with people to know about them. You need to talk, ask questions, and know what you are looking for. If you don’t know what you want how do you when you found it.

{Marriage} Knowing your spouse is of utmost importance. If you are not speaking on a daily basis focused on each other without other distractions (i.e. kids, tv, computer, phone…) you are going to miss something. If you miss something one day it isn’t a big deal but these are all habits you are creating and 1 day turns into 2, 2 into 3… until you are 10 years later and you have no idea who your spouse is.

 

3.) Ask if this is a listening problem or a fixing problem.

[*NOTE: this one is for the guys] Here is a phenomenon that to men that will not make sense but you must accept (women you know what I am talking about). When a women has a problem, SHUT-UP and LISTEN. Don’t do anything else, if you do I guarantee you will screw it up. You see it is in our DNA as men to fix things and when your wife has a problem, you proudly polish your shining armor, get on your white horse, and ride to the rescue to save your damsel in distress.

CAUTION this exactly what you don’t want to do!

When a women is vocalizing a problem usually they are trying to vent. At that moment they don’t want your help, just your ears. Women will understand this men want to go and start fixing even before she is done explaining. Again if you try and understand this, DON’T,  just accept it. Fortunately my wife and I came up with an agreement (Seriously). When she starts telling me a problem, I ask, “Is this a listening problem or a fixing problem?”

This one question has made such a difference in the way we communicate and understand each other.

I know these steps will help your marriage as it has ours and other couples we know. Below I have a bonus.

BONUS

Say I love you in the way your spouse needs to hear it. (Refer to the The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts)

This is very important. The book is amazing and I look forward to doing a book review on it but here is the main point of the book. There are 5 love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch). Often we express our love to our spouse using our love language. If your spouses love language is different than yours she will not receive it as you intended it.

Key: Express your love using your spouses love language not your own. (It goes more in-depth in the book).

 

Let me know what you think. Has this helped in your marriage?

Do you have any advise for the brand new couple? Share your thoughts on the comments section.

 

 

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